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Jbb
04-27-2004, 06:28 PM
The world according to COMEDIANS
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grand- father.
-- Jackie Mason
I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass I can see old ladies on the phone. They've already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong.
-- Chris Rock
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living."
-- Henny Youngman
When I went to college, my parents threw a going-away party for me, according to the letter.
-- Emo Phillips
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I'm thinking, OK, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
-- Richard Jeni
I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said, "Can I help you?" and he said, "No, I'm just looking."
-- George Miller
I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England so the other one could drive.
-- Steven Wright
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
-- A. Whitney Brown
I was on a subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks, "Are you reading that?" I didn't know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
-- David Brenner
I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms?" I said: "What do you need?"
-- Steven Wright
There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says, "Sure. $10 million. You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry.
-- Larry Miller

Debbolas
04-27-2004, 06:32 PM
LOL :)

FMluvswater
04-27-2004, 06:33 PM
I was on a subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks, "Are you reading that?" I didn't know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
-- David Brenner
LMFAO!! I almost spit vanilla coke all over my keyboard!!! :D :D :D
*Note to self drink nothing when reading posts by JBB* ;) :D

Debbolas
04-27-2004, 06:34 PM
Originally posted by JETBOAT BRIAN
The world according to COMEDIANS
There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says, "Sure. $10 million. You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry.
-- Larry Miller
I like this one!! how many times have you heard guys say this!!
lol:D

GlastronGuy
04-27-2004, 06:36 PM
Originally posted by JETBOAT BRIAN
The world according to COMEDIANS
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I'm thinking, OK, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
-- Richard Jeni
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ROTFPIMPLMAO

Debbolas
04-27-2004, 06:39 PM
Originally posted by GlastronGuy
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ROTFPIMPLMAO
ok, I know what ROTFLMAO means.....
what does the PIMP part mean, please.....;)

Debbolas
04-27-2004, 06:40 PM
ohhh
Peeing
In
My
Pants?
;)

GlastronGuy
04-27-2004, 06:41 PM
Originally posted by Debbolas
ohhh
Peeing
In
My
Pants?
;)
Well, I am more vulgar than that.
;)

Debbolas
04-27-2004, 06:43 PM
?:confused:

FMluvswater
04-27-2004, 06:46 PM
pissing ;) :D

GlastronGuy
04-27-2004, 06:46 PM
Originally posted by FMluvswaterbabe
pissing ;) :D
:)

BarryMac
04-27-2004, 06:46 PM
funny stuff...LMAO :D