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A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."
Another.
A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus" With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver."
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Damn, those are bad, but funny.
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After long ride on a hot day the Lone Ranger and Tonto are relaxing in the local saloon, a cowboy comes in and asks Whos white horse is that outside?
Why thats Silver, hes mine says the Lone Ranger.
Well you better tend to him, hes collapsed from the heat, says the cowboy.
Both the Long Ranger and Tonto run outside, they get some water and try to cool him off. But its not enough. The Lone Ranger tells Tonto to run circles around the horse, to create a breeze to cool him off.
Ok, Kemosabe, anything for Silver
The Long Ranger runs into the saloon looking for a fan to help out when another Cowboy walks in and says Whos white horse is that outside?
The Lone Ranger says Hes mine Now whats the matter?
Well, you ran off and left your Ingine running
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.......Rectum? DAMN NEAR KILLED'UM!!!!
:rollside: .....boy that one never gets old!!! :D :D :notam:
RTJas :D
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...I said Posse! Bring the Posse!
...no, but I will for the microwave.
...I'm gonna pee waaaaaaaayyyy over there.
...and she wrapped a 9-iron around my neck.
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A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself,
"What the heck is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! "
However, he was somewhat flattered that he might resemble one of her former lovers. Then again he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!
He sat in his car, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's second grade teacher.
