Y'allbonics

Y'allbonics
Not to be outdone by Ebonics in California, the Southern Association of Colleges & Schools is requesting billions of federal dollars to teach y'allbonics in all classrooms south of the Mason-Dixon line. Included here are some samples of y'allbonics. If y 'all do not understand any of them, contact your closest southern bubba for an explanation.
HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"
BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a coke."
IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."
RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep on fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh ass."
RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer."
FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed.. must be from some farn country."
DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"
BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - (noun) & (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit n'is laf."
SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction (verb) & pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

GOOD OL' COUNTRY SLANG
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
"Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
"A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
"When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
"If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor."
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
"I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit."
Medical Terms
Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section..........A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her.
Colic............................A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D&C............................Where Washington is.
Dilate...........................To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester...........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...........................A small lie.
G.I.Series....................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...........................I knew it.
Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.......................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.....................Hiding something
Seizure........................Roman emperor.
Tablet.........................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor........................More than one.
Urine..........................Opposite of mine.
Varicose......................Near by/close by

I may have to send that to my ex. Her family is all from back there.
Nah, maybe not. We are getting along right now.:D

The duke's of hazzard comes to mind;)

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
Umm. That would be "Bumminham"
and da capitol ain't moved since it was in Tuscaloosa (even if all the whites did)
...and no mention of sweet tea either

FIXIN:
i am fixin to cut the light out and go drink me some sweet tea!
:D

Much better!