Lmao

[Kim Hanson]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend ½ an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
.........( . )( . ).........

[JustMVG]

Hows this one KIM
MATERIAL GENDER
Did you know that many non-living things have a gender?
1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but
you can see right through them.
2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a
while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the
right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are
pushed.
3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain
water.
6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.
9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female......Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and
while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
Mike VG

[Kim Hanson]

Thats focking funny.......Hows this one...( . )( . )......
AIRPLANES VS WOMEN
1. Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
2. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
3. Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.'
4. Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
5.Airplanes operate inverted.
6. Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
7. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
8. Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
9. Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
10. Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown before.
11. Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
12. Airplanes don't complain if you hose them down.
13. Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes.
14. Airplanes can get high without throwing up.
15. Airplanes expect to be tied down.
16. Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
17. Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
18. However, when airplanes go quiet, just like a woman, it's a bad thing.

[JustMVG]

Also Flockin' funny. MVG