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Thread: The Stella Awards....

  1. #1
    Mandelon
    It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. The
    Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on
    herself and Successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the 'Stella
    Awards' for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
    THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:
    5th Place (Tied) Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by
    a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
    running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
    understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler
    was Ms. Robertson's son.
    5th Place (Tied)
    19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when
    his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently
    did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying
    to steal the hubcaps.
    5th Place (Tied) Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a
    house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
    get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
    malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting
    the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
    vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He
    subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He
    sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
    mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
    4th Place Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and
    medical expenses after being bit on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
    Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award
    was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little
    provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into
    the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
    3rd Place A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
    Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke
    her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
    thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.
    2nd Place Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club
    in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor
    and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was
    trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50
    cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
    1st Place!!!!!
    This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
    Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor home. On his
    trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set
    the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into
    the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left the
    freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
    advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The
    jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor home. The company
    actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there
    were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles.
    I dont' know if these are really true, but if so, its a sad state of affairs.

  2. #2
    Jordy
    These are the same awards as last year. Still pretty amazing, and you have to hope they're not true. If so, it doesn't say a whole lot for the state of the legal system. :frown:

  3. #3
    bigerich
    A sad state of affaris indeed. This just makes me mad, when will people ever take responsibility for themselves???

  4. #4
    Phat Matt
    They can't be true. If they are I am going to repeatedly stab myself with this pen and sue papermate.

  5. #5
    Mandelon
    I got em in an email. Maybe on snopes they are revealed as bullshit.
    How bout this instead:
    1. HER DIARY
    Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
    Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
    On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
    He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
    He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm
    almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
    2. HIS DIARY
    Today the Chargers lost, but at least I got laid.

  6. #6
    ratso
    I got em in an email. Maybe on snopes they are revealed as bullshit.
    How bout this instead:
    1. HER DIARY
    Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
    Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
    On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
    He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
    He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm
    almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
    2. HIS DIARY
    Today the Chargers lost, but at least I got laid.
    LMFAO Mandy...funny stuff.

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