Reply With QuoteI'm still waiting for my information packet from Wyo Tech on the high paying aircraft mechanic jobs... :rollside: :rollside:
UAL Flight to Kansas City
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> Captain: Good morning, this is your Captain speaking. Our flight to Kansas City will be delayed a short time while our Mechanic addresses a minor problem with one of our engines. Thank you for your patience.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good morning again, this is your Captain speaking. In order to conform to our new company policy I will update you as often as required to keep you advised of the cause of our delay. It appears that our Mechanic does not read, write, speak, or understand the English language so we are looking for an interpreter to translate our needs to him. Thank you for your patience and we apologize for the additional delay.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good morning again, this is your Captain speaking. It appears that there are no interpreters available that speak Arabic. I was told to ask if there is anyone on board that speaks English and Arabic that would like to help us. Please notify your Flight Attendant if you can help.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good afternoon, this is your Captain speaking. We have been unsuccessful looking for an interpreter but by using a series of sketches and pointing gestures we believe the Mechanic understands the problem and he is accomplishing the repair as I speak. We should be under way soon. Thank you for your patience.
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> 2 Hours later
> Captain: Good afternoon again, this is your Captain speaking. I know I told you we would be under way soon but we encountered a minor setback. While we were using hand signals and sketches to convey our problem to our Mechanic the aircraft to our right started its engines and it was very loud so we went to the aircraft on your left and used it as an example during our explanation to the Mechanic of what our aircraft needs. If you look out a window on the left side of our aircraft you will see our Mechanic working on the wrong aircraft. He thought we meant that aircraft but he is now putting it back together and will start on our aircraft as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.
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> 2 Hours later
> Captain: Good afternoon again, this is your Captain speaking. It seems as though our Mechanic now has a clear understanding of what needs to be done to fix the problem but he just did not have such a clear understanding of which engine on our aircraft needed the work and after accomplishing his task on the right aircraft but wrong engine he has now started his work on the correct engine. It should not be long before we are ready to go. Thank you for your patience.
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> 2 Hours later
> Captain: Good evening, this is your Captain speaking. Another situation arose that has caused additional delay. It appears that our Mechanic is one of our illegal aliens we use through a third party to save money and the terrorist watch dog group approached our Mechanic for questioning just as he was nearing completion of his work. The Mechanic saw them coming and took off running and has not been seen since. I was told to ask if there is an Aircraft Mechanic on board that is willing to finish where our Mechanic left off. If so, please notify your Flight Attendant.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good evening again, this is your Captain speaking. First I would like to thank the laid off United Mechanic seated in 18B for stepping forward to help put our airplane back together. Now it appears that our original Mechanic left with all his tools and I was told to ask if anyone on board has tools that we could borrow. If so, please notify your Flight Attendant. Thank you for your patience.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good evening again, this is your Captain speaking. Since we had no tools available we sent our laid off United Mechanic volunteer to the nearby Walmart to purchase the required tools. He has returned and is working to complete the repair for us. We should be on our way soon.
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> 30 Minutes later
> Captain: Good evening again, this is your captain speaking. I have been informed by our laid off United Mechanic volunteer that a wrench he was using from Walmart that was made in China snapped in half while trying to torque the final bolt. The laid off volunteer Mechanic now has a broken finger and a large laceration on his knuckle. All of the onsite medical personnel are too busy drug and alcohol testing safety sensitive workers and can not attend to our volunteer Mechanic for fear that some FAR may be violated if the testing is not completed. I was told to ask if there is a Doctor on board. If so would you please notify your flight attendant? Thank you for your patience.
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> 2 Hours later
> Captain: Good evening again, this is your Captain speaking. First I would like to thank the Doctor in 2A for attending to our volunteer Mechanic. Next I will explain the reason for the current delay. The airport had shut down completely while the authorities searched for the illegal alien Mechanic United uses through a third party on our aircraft to save money and they found him hiding in the baggage area nearest our gate. The airport has just reopened and we are expecting clearance from air traffic control very soon. Thank you for your patience.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good evening again, this is your captain speaking. We have just been given clearance from air traffic control but we were also just informed by airport security that since the terrorist watch dog group had found the illegal alien Mechanic that United uses through a third party to save money was found in the baggage area nearest our gate that we must have all passengers and baggage removed from the airplane for rescreening by security. I was told to ask that all passengers leave the plane and take your belongings with you. Thank you for your patience.
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> 6 Hours later
> First Officer: Good morning, this is your First Officer speaking. On behalf of United I would like to thank all of you for your cooperation during the rescreening and reboarding process caused by finding the illegal alien Mechanic United uses through a third party to save money hiding near our gate. I am speaking to you now because our Captain had run out of time for the day and will have to be replaced with another. Phone calls are being made to find a replacement and it should not be long now. Thank you for your patience.
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> 2 Hours later
> Captain: Good morning, this is your new Captain speaking. I must apologize on behalf of United for the long delay caused by the illegal alien Mechanic United uses through a third party to save money. I was just informed that the First Officer that had been with you has run out of time today and will have to be replaced. Phone calls are being made to find a replacement. Thank you for your patience.
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> 1 Hour later
> Captain: Good morning again, this is your Captain speaking. I have been informed that our First Officer has arrived at the airport. Unfortunately he has been detained by security because he had nose hair clippers in his bag and now must go through the interrogation process used for suspected terrorists.
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> 3 Hours later
> Captain: Good morning again, this is you Captain speaking. Our First Officer has completed his interrogation and is on board and ready to fly. Unfortunately I have just been informed that our Flight Attendants have run out of time for the day. Phone calls are being made for replacements. I have been told apologize on behalf of United for the delay cause by the illegal alien Mechanic United uses through a third party to save money. I have also been told to ask if there are any Flight Attendants on board willing to help us out. If so, please come to the front of the plane and see our agent. Thank you for your patience.
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> 6 Hours later
> Captain: Good afternoon, this is your captain speaking. On behalf of United I have been told to apologize for the extensive delay caused by the illegal alien Mechanic United uses through a third party to save money. Due to the length of the delay all of the food has spoiled, the beverages are gone, the toilet tanks are full, the APU has used all the fuel, we still don't have Flight Attendants, and this aircraft just plain smells bad.
> With all of those problems United has decided to cancel this flight. I would like to thank you for trying to fly United and I was told to tell you that United apologizes again for the inconvenience cause by the illegal alien Mechanic United uses through a third party to save money.
> On your way out of the aircraft you will see some collection jars. Please donate whatever you can to the United Employees Stolen ESOP Shares and Terminated Pension recovery funds. Don't worry about management getting their hands on the money because they still have their pension and still receive bonuses and just to be sure we are watching the jars closely.
I'm still waiting for my information packet from Wyo Tech on the high paying aircraft mechanic jobs... :rollside: :rollside:
I'm still waiting for my information packet from Wyo Tech on the high paying aircraft mechanic jobs... :rollside: :rollside:
Save yourself the trouble...I will sell you my A&P and Fcc Licenses at a bargain basement price... :wink:
Save yourself the trouble...I will sell you my A&P and Fcc Licenses at a bargain basement price... :wink:
I tried to sell mine to pay off the student loans... no dice though.... :rollside:
Save yourself the trouble...I will sell you my A&P and Fcc Licenses at a bargain basement price... :wink:
Isn't that the truth... And people ask me why, after 9.5 years of working on F-16 avionics, I'm not doing the same job on the outside. NO MONEY!
I used to work for United, and your not that far off. Although this reads like a joke, some of this really does happen. Esp, like the part about the ESOP, piolts got hammered on that. Remember that UAL (united air lines) stands for U ALWAYS LATE
I used to work for United, and your not that far off. Although this reads like a joke, some of this really does happen. Esp, like the part about the ESOP, piolts got hammered on that. Remember that UAL (united air lines) stands for U ALWAYS LATE
Your avatar rocks!!!
How can you see his avatar when your eye won't stop moving?:messedup:
I can still see everything...excepts its all in 3d
So is that why you're not here jbb I've been at the airport all damn day ! lol
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