Quantas airlines repair notes

[1stepcloser]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill in a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions
recorded by maintenance engineers. Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had a fatal accident.
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Mrs. 4-B]

Sounds like these airline mechanics post on Hot Boat!

[VelocityDriver]

Here's a few other airlines without a fatal...
United States and Canada
Air Transat (1987)
Allegiant Air (1998)
America West (1983)
America West Express* (1992)
American Trans Air (1981)
Atlantic Coast Jet (2000)
Business Express* (1984)
Canadian North (1989)
Casino Express (1989)
Champion Air (1993)
Falcon Air Express (1996)
Frontier Airlines (1994)
Hawaiian Airlines
Horizon Air* (1981)
JetBlue (2000)
Mesaba Airlines*
Midway Airlines (1993) National Airlines (1999)
Midway (1993)
North American Airlines (1990)
Omni Air International (1997)
Ozark Airlines (1999)
Pace Airlines (1996)
Pan American Airways (1999)
Planet Airways (2000)
Skyservice Airlines (1994)
Sky Trek(1996)
Southeast Airlines (1999)
Southwest (1971)
Spirit Airlines (1992)
Sun Country Airlines (1983)
Sunworld International (1996)
Trans States Airlines (1983)
Vanguard Airlines (1994)
WestJet Airlines (1996)
Europe
Aer Lingus
Aeris (1990)
Aero Lloyd (1981)
Aerolyon (1996)
Agean Airlines (1992)
Air 2000 (1987)
Air Anatolia (1996)
Air Austral (1975)
AirBaltic (1995)
Air Berlin (1979)
Air Europa (1993)
Air Europe (1989)
Air Kazakstan (1997)
Air Liberte (1988)
Air Malta (1974)
Air One (1995)
Air Plus (1997)
Air Sicilia (1994)
Airtours (1991)
Alfa Airlines (1992)
Alitalia Express* (1997)
An Express (2000)
Austrian Airlines
Avioimpex (1992)
Balair* (1997)
Blue Panorama (1998)
Britannia
British Regional Airlines* (1991)
CityBird (1997)
Condor Berlin* (1998)
Corsair (1981)
Cronus Airlines (1995)
Delta Air Transport [Belgium]
Deutsche BA* (1992)
easyJet (1995)
Edelweiss Air (1996)
Estonian Air (1991)
Eurocypria Airlines (1992)
Eurofly (1990)
European Aviation Air Charter (1994)
Eurowings (1994)
Falcon Air (1986)
Finnair
Fischer Air (1997) Futura International (1990)
Galaxy Airways (1999)
Icelandair
Islandsflug (1991)
JMC Airlines (2000)
KTHY (1975)
LTE (1987)
LTU
Macedonian [Greece] (1992)
Macedonian [Macedonia] (1994)
Maersk (1983)
Malmo Aviation (1993)
Manx Airlines (1982)
Meridiana
Monarch Airlines
National Jet Italia (2000)
Nouvelair Tunisie (1990)
Novair (1997)
Onur Air (1992)
Pegasus Airlines (1990)
Portugalia Airlines (1990)
Premiair (1994)
Régional (2001)
Rheintalflug (1973)
Sabena
Finnair
Ryanair (1985)
SATA International (1998)
Skyways Express (1987)
Sobelair
Spanair (1988)
Star Airlines (1995)
Sterling European (1994)
Sunexpress Airlines (1990)
Titan Airways (1988)
Transaero (1991)
Transavia Airlines
Travel Service Airlines (1997)
Tyrolean Airways (1980)
Ukraine International (1992)
Uzbekistan Airways (1992)
Virgin Atlantic (1984)
Virgin Express (1992)
Virgin Sun (1999)
Asia and Australasia
Airlink [Australia](1991)
Air Do (1998)
Air Macau (1995)
Air Niugini (1973)
Angel Airlines (1998)
Ansett Australia
Awair International (2000)
Dragonair (1985)
EVA Air (1991)
Flight West Airlines (1987)
Fujian Airlines (1993)
Hainan Airlines (1989)
Impulse Airlines (1992)
JAL Express* (1998)
JALways* (1991)
Japan Air System Japan Asia Airways (1975) Japan TransOcean Air
Jet Airways (1993)
Kendall Airlines*
Mandarin Airlines* (1991)
Myanmar Airways Intl. (1993)
Qantas
Royal Brunei Airlines (1975)
Sahara Airlines (1993)
Shaheen Air (1993)
Shandong Airlines (1994)
Shanghai Airlines (1985)
Sichuan Airlines (1988)
Skymark Airlines (1998)
TransAsia Airways
U-Land Airlines (1989)
UNI Airways (1988)
Zhongyuan Airlines* (1986)
Latin America and the Caribbean
Aero California (1982)
Aero Continente (1992)
Aero Continente Chile (1999)
Aerolineas Internationales (1994)
Aerorepublica (1994)
Allegro Air (1992)
Air Jamaica
American Falcon (1998)
Aserca Airlines (1991)
Azteca (2001)
Bahamasair (1973)
BWIA
Cayman Airways Dinar Lineas Aereas (1992)
Ecuatoriana (1996)
Fly Linhas Aereas (1995)
Gol Transportes (2000)
LACSA
Ladeco Airlines
LanPeru (1999)
LASER (1994)
PLUNA
Rio Sul (1976)
Southern Winds (1996)
TACA
TANS (1999)
Africa and Middle East
Air Mauritius (1972)
Air Seychelles (1976)
Air Tanzania (1977)
African Star (1999)
AMC Airlines (1994)
Arkia Israli Airlines (1950)
EAS Airlines (1993)
Emirates (1985)
Ghana Airways
Intensive Air (2000) Inter Air (1994)
Kalahari Express (1999)
Kulula.com* (2001)
Mahan Air (1993)
Nationwide Airlines (1995)
Oman Air (1981)
Qatar Airways (1994)
South African Express* (1994)
Syrianair
Tunisair