Since I can't do it on insideline....

[Bre]

Here's a few :
George comes home very late, and very drunk, and his wife is waiting for him at the door. She says, "You've been out ****ing around, haven't you?"
He says, "Nope."
She says, "Then explain the lipstick on your shirt."
He says, "That's easy. I used my shirt to wipe off my dick."

[Bre]

Gotta do this one again...sorry...
Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?'
He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.'
Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen, I sold it.'

[Bre]

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce."
"Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.

[My Man's Sportin' Wood]

Good ones!

[Bre]

This ones not that funny.... it's sick :wink:
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."

[Bre]

:supp:
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

[Mrs.charitycase]

This ones not that funny.... it's sick :wink:
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POOR GUY!!! LMAO!!!

[Mrs.charitycase]

:supp:
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
LMFAO!!!!

[esabataj]

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."
The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
:crossx: :crossx:

[Krumbsnatcher]

lmao
thanks