Reply With QuoteWell if that doesn't just about sum it up.
History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter gatherers. They subsisted on deer in the mountains during the winter and would go to the coast to live on fish and lobster in the summer.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement" (Republicans).
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting (Democrats), learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen', but still Democrats.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done! Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists, are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally, anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Well if that doesn't just about sum it up.
Is Billary Clinton Male or Female?
You know she is hot, she is just sexually depressed.
Awesome.
I'm going to split hairs however and say that most people agree that history began around 5000 years ago with the written word. The rest is anthropology. Everything else I would have to agree with.
Awesome.
I'm going to split hairs however and say that most people agree that history began around 5000 years ago with the written word. The rest is anthropology. Everything else I would have to agree with.
A stickler for details, huh? I swiped this without permission.
P.S. I agree with you as well, but this was a copy and paste from an email my brother sent me.
Main Entry: his·to·ry
Pronunciation: 'his-t(&-)rE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ries
Etymology: Latin historia, from Greek, inquiry, history, from histOr, istOr knowing, learned; akin to Greek eidenai to know -- more at WIT
1 : TALE, STORY
2 a : a chronological record of significant events (as affecting a nation or institution) often including an explanation of their causes b : a treatise presenting systematically related natural phenomena c : an account of a patient's medical background d : an established record <a prisoner with a history of violence>
3 : a branch of knowledge that records and explains past events <medieval history>
4 a : events that form the subject matter of a history b : events of the past c : one that is finished or done for <the winning streak was history> <you're history> d : previous treatment, handling, or experience (as of a metal)
Only a stickler when it comes to history. It is my subject. I try not to do it too much, as most people are irritated by it. It is still funny as heck and a keeper. I may have to use it for reference in the classroom, but those other liberal educators probably would lynch me.
Posting Permissions
