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IMPORTANT UPDATE FOR EMPTY SACK RACING!!!!!!!!!!
With the support of many people over the last 24 hours, ESR is back in the running, but still desperately needing funds, people and a boat. Like a jolt from a wet hand on a spinning Vertex mag, a fund rasing venture came to me.
TATTOOS!!!
Im going to offer my body parts to be sold to the highest bidder for the purpose of advertising to raise the needed funds for Empty Sack Racing. I see lots of old, fat bald guys on these boards sporting tattoos, well maybe not as old as me, but bald and fat for sure. Someone must thing they look great.
Heres the deal, the highest bidder can choose any body part they like to advertise their product, make a donation and I'll get the tattoo. But remember, like a tattoo, this is a life long commitment to sponsor the team. You must be there for the team at all times with needed funds, or a boat.
To prove Im serious about this, I have to tell you a back-story.
Back in the 70s I was dating a girl that landed a part in a porno film. She convinced me to audition for one of the parts too. (what can I say, I thought it was love) I figured this could be a lucky break. The only thing needed from me at the audition was for them to see, hmm, how can I put this. They needed to see my diverter in the up position.
I got the part with the understanding that, as part of the plot twist, I had to receive a tattoo on my diverter. I did. When the diverter is in the down position, like when Im swimming or trying to push a heavy car, the tattoo reads ACME. When the diverters all the way up, like when Im drunk or when I wake up in the morning, the tattoo supposed to read Alexandra Cunninghams Mining Equipment.
But to be honest, I didnt have enough, uh, diverter to spell out the entire thing, so it only reads Alexandra Cunninghams Mini'. Because of this, I lost the part in the film, was banned from the set, lost the girl and my career as a porn star came to an abrupt end.
And let me tell you, it took me a long time for me to find a girl named Alexandra Cunningham to marry too.
A failure? Yes. But I'm willing to try again.
Let the bidding begin, and thank you for supporting Empty Sack Racing.
Well, after working at a fever pitch, we here at 'Empty Sack Racing' have come to the conclusion that we won't be racing a jet this year in Div. 2 at the Parker 300. There are many reasons why we won't be making the event, but the main reasons are as follows....
a. We don't have a jet boat.
b. we don't have anyone to drive a boat if we had one
c. we don't have pit timers
4. we don't have any fuel
e. we don't have anyone to fuel the boat in the pits if we did have fuel and a boat
f. we don't have anyone to launch the boat
7. we don't have a unique and painless way for any sponsors to sponsor us
h. we don't know how to race a jet
i. we don't have any money to race a jet.
BUT, we are accepting donations none the less.
Thank you for your support.
Empty Sack Racing
