To anyone divorced with kids..

[Tom Brown]

ROZ, sorry to hear about your problems. I think you're a great person and have always admired the way you conduct yourself and your generosity.
You have my very best wishes. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

[robsformula]

Roz, what you need to do is make sure that both of you get (joint physical custody) also make sure that it is stipulated that neither one of you can move out of the county/city without giving up custody of the minor children. In the event of job transfer,marrage,what ever the essue may be that parent will give up its custody rights of the child/children. I lost my daughter when she was only 4 when her mother had been seeing our neighbors best friend who at the time was living in the bay area/Berkley. She then decided to move there and the corts aloud it. They then tried to move to Germany because of a job, I was able to stop that because it was a non English speaking country. They decided to move to England which the courts granted. I never gave up on my daughter and our relationship. She is now going to be 15 this month and has been living with us for the last 3 1/2 years. If you like more details and more information and ideas that might help you in your situation please do not hesitate to call me at 209-471-7199 leave a voice message and how I can get back to you. I will call back.
good luck and dont give up on yourself and your daughter.
Rob

[robsformula]

that was (joint legal and physical custody) call me for more information.
hang in there it will get better :boxed:

[Desert Rat]

I got my oldest son by providing the most stable enviorment. Ex lived in a rundown apartment and I was remarried with a house. I threatened court action but she knew she would not have stood a chance in court. I waived what little support she would have had to pay for full custody rights and she went for it. Shorty after that we moved to So Cal :crossx: He just graduated from college and turned out to be a young man that i'm VERY proud of. I guess I would have to say try and NOT give up anything up front. You will have to deal with the Ex for the rest of your life in one way or another (birthdays, holidays, graduations, wedding) I know these are way down the road for you right now but they sneak up REAL fast! If you can at least get along it makes it easier.. I speak from experience because that is NOT the way mine went up until a year or two ago! good luck and whatever you do put your child first even if the other half is throwing knives at you. You'd be surprised how the child looks up to the parent that trys to keep it nice and sane

[Tremor Therapy]

Chris...sorry to hear about this my friend. I got taken to the cleaners when my first wife and I got divorced. It sounds like some folks here have some savy advice. Hang in there brother, you know that little girl loves you to death, and that is where you need to concentrate!

[1stepcloser]

Chris,
Jesus man, I'm kind of shocked. Call me when you can, I have something for you.

[NoCal NoBoat]

Roz -
Sorry to hear about it. I've been down this road, daughter was 5. Tough days ahead, but trust that family and friends want to be there for you.
I hope the mediation can work for you. Can save you a lot of $$$'s.
I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but here's what worked for me.
Insist on joint legal and joint physical custody.
Courts seem to appreciate dads who want to stay part of their kid's lives. I had a couple of incidents where my daughter's doctor and teachers expressed reluctance to discuss my daughter's classroom and medical issues with me, until I proved to them that I was just as entitled to the information as her mother.
The Dissomaster (the software that CA uses to award child support) considers
income of both parents, time spent with each parent, and # of children supported. If the mediation doesn't go well, and your situation gets adversarial, it would be nice if you could produce documentation showing the time you spent with your daughter post separation. My ex-wife told everyone she "knew nothing" about the legal process of divorce, but understood very clearly that if she could reduce her income or increase the percentage of time spent, she would net more.
It turned out my daughter liked to play rec soccer. I volunteered to coach her team, and did so for 10 years. Not because I had an agenda or motives, just because it was good quality time together. It ulimately did come up in Family Court, when my ex tried to lowball the amount of time spent. My lawyer stood up and said "Your Honor, that can't be right, he coaches her soccer team". Goal !!!
Trust me, it wasn't about the money. It was the concept of what was best for my daughter, and what allowed me to continue to live my life while supporting 1 and 1/2 households.
Sorry for the long read, but I thought it might address your question about time spent.
Let me know if you need anything else. I made enough mistakes for 10 newly single guys. But my daughter just turned 19, and pulled a 3.4 in her first semester at a competitive college. We get along pretty good, and I'm pretty sure I'll be chosen to walk her down the aisle someday in the (distant) future.

[Mrs. HOOTER SLED]

I'm for joint custody, for sure... My main concern is where she's going to live.. I believe I have a much better parental abilities...
You can ask your lawyer to make it so that she can only move so far from you at least till the children are older......
I know this because my sister just went through this.....and they ended up with a 50/50 in time........no matter how hard she tried to get more then that!!!!! Her ex made it in the papers that she can only move so many miles or something from him...so that he is always close by.

[Ziggy]

This catches me totally off gaurd Chris.
I wish you the best and hope it works out so it benefits your daughter the best way possible for her....cuz thats all that really matters at this point.
I had joint custody of my son and domicile order, but that didn't mean shit cuz she moved away anyhow with no repercussions. For 6 years I battled to no avail, then when he turned 10 she turned him over to me. Glad I did get him when I did...
Good luck bud, if you need to chat you gots my #.

[H20 Toie]

We are going to have Joint custody but it still sucks i miss her more than anything.