At What Point Did Your "Date" Grenade?

[ratso]

After what I went through again last night, I'm thinking there should be some really good stories on dating, after all, not everyone on here has been married... consider yourselves the "lucky ones"...
After years of being around and working the bar scene, seeing all the dysfunctional relationships that go on, the sleeping around, cheating, and all that stuff... it makes you wonder what is actually real and what isn't... and what all really goes on behind closed doors. http://***boat.com/ubb/graemlins/idea_2.gif
I've done my share of one night stands, getting laid out in the parking lot, and sometimes just a good ole blowjob... hey, it's the bar scene... I'm sure RD's bud and the waitress needing a car knows all about it. The women are pretty dang forward about what they want. They are doing the ass grabbing and hugging and kissing and looking for a hook up.
Last night was like any typical night. I wasn't working the door, so I was getting to do what I like best... mingling and watching the crowd. My little married chick I see on a fairly regular basis was making her monthly appearance, so we're over by the DJ Booth getting lip locked and almost to the point where we're like "Hey, maybe we better get a room"... and then these 4 blondes walk in together, a couple of them are okay, and the other two were definitely worth a shot. They get seated at a table, and naturally I'm checking the two good ones out... one has long curly blonde hair and absolutely gorgeous... the other blonde, well, I was finding it hard to get past this outstanding rack of hers, she had this rough Kim Carnes/Bonnie Tyler voice that's sexy enough to make me want to slam her down on the table and do her right there. One of my buds decides to hit on the one with the rack, and it went over like a rock... Whatever she said embarassed him so bad that his face was beet red...:jawdrop: shot down bad, right there in front of all his friends. His only comment to me was "What a fukkin' Bitch"... http://***boat.com/ubb/mad.gifAnyway, my married chick sees what's going on and decides to make her exit, tells me bye and says that I ought to have a lot of fun with that one. The night progresses and I'm making some good headway with this new one, we are pretty much close to being all over each other, but I am also noticing a lot of stares, people looking and halfway pointing her direction all night, and you could tell the talk was about this chick. I get pulled to the side by a girlfriend of mine and she asks "Do you know who the Fukk you are talking to?":jawdrop: I tell her "No" and she says that maybe I should check out the Friday Paper then because this chick has been charged with murdering her husband! :2purples: Anyway, I end up back at her table, we talk and have another drink and a couple of shots, and before you know it, its 2am. We say our goodbyes and she tells me that she'll be back in Saturday night probably... I'm thinking "Cool..." Naturally I wasn't going to say anything about what I was told, at least not until I could look at the paper...
Well, this morning I have my dad drop a newspaper by, and there she is, front page news. I'm reading and see that she is out on $200,000 bond and is scheduled for court about the second week in February. According to the prosecution from what I gathered is that she says she found her husband shot to death. Of course they are out to prove she did it. There were a pair of latex gloves found in the trash with gunpowder residue and his DNA as well as her DNA on them. Apparently as they were investigating and doing some hidden camera footage, she was seen in a small pond wearing waders and looking for something. Seems the authorities looked too, and found the murder weapon that put the bullet in back of her husband's head.
That's about all I know at this point, but I'll tell you, I plan on getting to the bottom of something, and I ain't talkin' about the case neither. I kinda hope she's innocent, but if she ain't, I'll bet she is gonna be squeezing all she can into the next 3 weeks or so if you know what I mean... Heck, I hadn't done a good video in awhile... maybe we can do one called "Death Row Dominatrix" or maybe something like "The Verdict Ain't The Only Thing That's In"... If it makes any money I can always put it in a trust fund for her kids...http://***boat.com/ubb/graemlins/idea_2.gif

[Jordy]

Another great Ratso read!!! LOVE IT!!!

[XtrmWakeborder]

Lmao thats just about one of the funniest things i've read on here. Shoot, even if she is guilty, she'll be layin low so you don't have to worry about anything. Get er done!

[djunkie]

Ratso, you are a strange man. Most men would see that story about that chick and run for the hills. Sounds like the brain between your legs does most of your thinking. Not that thats bad sometimes but come on bud. :jawdrop:

[acatitude]

LMAO...... ratso must have just picked up this months penthouse forum...... lol you da man , Id think you could get a six week running 1 hr special outa your life ratso.... call nbc

[SHOTKALLIN]

Thats right Ratso...if she knows she goin away for good or for a looooong time you will get soooooo much ass from this chic. More ass than a toilet seat. Just don't knock her up, or you will be takin Jr. to visitation on Sundays.

[wsuwrhr]

Ive got a good one I love to tell, don't feel like typing it out though.
I still laugh about it sometimes.

[stoker]

You can call the video "Lethal Injection":jawdrop:

[Misogynist]

You can call the video "Lethal Injection":jawdrop:
Rolfmao.... lethal injection..... yeah... hot beef injection....... Ratso.... RUN.... RUN!!!!.... change you phone number if you gave her your number.... Run!!!!!.... You don't want any part of that action. If she's under suspicion of murder..... you my man.... are going to feel the bright light shining on you too.... Just wait until you start hearing suspicious clicks on your telephone.... unmarked cars following you. YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AUDITED.... Run Ratso, Run! Do not consider sleeping with this one... too dangerous... do Not consider making this one #6. RUN!

[DesertGirl]

Went on a date one time ... with a guy named Robert. Seemed like an OK kind of guy, nice funny, etc. So, about a week later, he calls again,so we go to dinner then bowling. After bowling, he asks... if things work out really well for us, do I seem like the kind of guy you could be with, long term? And I say, well, sure if things were to work out, then ya, long term would be what I want. So, he drops down on one knee, pops out a ring, and says I'm the one, he wants to get married. So, my eyes pop out of my head, and I say , uh, Mr. ?, oh wait, I don't even know your last name!!, no thanks, and I walk away. Well he chases me to my car, and insists I take the ring....to think about it. Uh, ya thanks buddy.
So I call him about 6 months later and ask him for his address to return the ring. He says - nope the ring is for you, keep it.
Turns out the ring was worth about 1500, so I sold it.
Thanks Robert