Reply With Quote(Yawn) Next....
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard)
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
(Yawn) Next....
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first? " Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr.
Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow"
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard)
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
OH!
This joke transcends the ages, and I don't care if you think it's funny or not...I know some of you are gonna repeat it cuz it's so dumb!!
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe??
.
.
.
.
.
.Roberto!
Thank you...I'll be here all week!
did you hear about the guy who lost the whole left side of his body?
he is all RIGHT now.
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard)
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
LMAO!!
I have posted this one before but here it is again.
There was a Pirate that walked into a bar with a steering wheel shoved into his pants. The bar tender kind of glared at him and snickered..
The bar tender asked the guy " Can you please tell me why you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
the pirate said." Argh, Yes, It's drivin me nutts."
A young black boy got his report card and noticed it was all F's. He took it to the teacher, slapped her, and said "throw sum D's on that bitch."
16 PUNS
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
4. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" asks the patient. Says the doctor, "It's Not Unusual."
5. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true," exclaims Daisy, "no bull!"
6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
7. DEJA MOO: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
8. I went to the mall to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
9. I went dancing at a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
12. Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them is adopted by a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal."
The other is adopted by a family in Spain. They name him "Juan".
Years later, Juan sends a photo of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she could also have a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
15. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which left him rather frail and with serious bad breath.
This made him... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
16. And finally, there was a man who sent 16 different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least 10 of them would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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