Lets see your MOST offensive jokes

[XLGPP]

Q: Why do gays like ribbed condoms?
>> > > > A: Better traction in the mud.
Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the
>>house?
>> > > > A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not
>>time.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
>> > > > A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
>> > > >

[XLGPP]

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
>> > battered
>> > > >wives' shelter?
>> > > > A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
>> > > > A: Something a woman does while a guy is ****ing her.
>> > > >
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
>> > > > A: They don't ****ing listen.
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
>> > > > A: Gonorrhea
Q: How can you tell a macho woman?
>> > > > A: She rolls her own tampons.
Q: What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?
>> > > > A: Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at
>>least
>> > > >13 years old.
Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
>> > > > A: Marry it.
Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
>> > > > A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
>> > > > A: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're
>>driving.
Q: What's the difference between mayonnaise &semen?
>> > > > A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at
>>thirty
>> > > >miles an hour.
Q: What's a mixed feeling?
>> > > > A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
>>your
>> > new
>> > > >car.
Q: What's the height of conceit?
>> > > > A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
>> > > >
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
>> > > > A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
>> > > > A: You know she'll swallow.
>> > > >
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on
>>the
>> > > >same day in Iraq?
>> > > > A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
>> > > > A: They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that
>>kick.

[mickeyfinn]

Why is divorce so expensive?
BECAUSE IT IS WORTH IT!!!!

[beyondhelpin]

WARNING READ AT YOU OWN RISK!
Remember you asked for it.
A Pollock is walking down the road wishing he had some money to buy some food. He had not had anything to eat in a couple of days. As he walks by a farm he notices a sign out front saying "Help Wanted". So the Pollock walks up and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers the the door the Pollock inquires about the job.
The farmer hires him and says "The first thing we need to do is take my old mule Betsy down to the pond to force her to drink some water. This damn mule just wont drink anymore" So they walk the mule down to the pond. The farmer tells him along the way that he has a plan. The farmer tells the Pollock that he will hold the mules head down in the water and for him to cup his hands around the mules butt and suck just as hard as he can. That way we can get a suction going. The Pollock readily agrees with the farmer thinking this plan sounds brilliant.
So the Farmer holds old Betsy's head down in the water. The Pollock goes around to the mules backside and cups his hands around Betsy's butt and start pulling a suction the best he can. Pretty soon he jumps back and starts screaming at the farmer to "Pull his head up!.....Pull his head up!.......Shes pulling up mud!!!!!!!!!
WARNING "THIS ONE IS EVEN WORSE"
A girl in the Ozarks just turned 16 today. She goes in to ask her daddy to use the car so her and her friends can go to the drive in movie. She says "Daddy can I use to car tonight to go see a movie". Daddy says "Sure honey. All you have to do is suck Daddy dick". The girl thinks about it for a second and says "Sure Daddy". As quick as she goes down she comes back up and screaming "Daddy your dick taste like shit". To which he replies "Thats right your brother has the car!"
jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop

[NashvilleBound]

Theres a mamma duck and a baby duck, a mamma skunk and a baby skunk. They are going to cross the road. The two mammas go out into the road to check if its clear and....rrrrrrr (screaching tires) splat...no more mammas. The two babies look at each other and ask "Were so young we dont know what we are?!?!?" So the baby duck asks the baby skunk what am I?
Skunk.. "Lets see....you have a beak, and feathers you must be a duck.
Duck.."Oh thank you, thank you.
So the baby skunk asks the baby duck "What am I??"
Duck.."Lets see, your not all white
and not all black and you stink REAL bad...You must be a Mexican.

[jlnorthrup122]

Q> How many men does it take to open up a beercan?
A> None the bitch better have it open by the time she gets it to me!

[jlnorthrup122]

This guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bar tender and says give me a beer and get that dushbag on the end of the bar whatever she wants. The bartender says "look you don't need to be disrespectful in here" and gets the guy his beer and asks the lady on the end of the bar what she would like the guy over there is buying. The lady replies "I'll have a vinager & water!

[jlnorthrup122]

Don't get all offencive on my I am part zunie.
One day back the 1700's this vantriliquest in New York decides that he is gona go West but he don't have a wagon or horse so he proclaims this to a wagon band leader and the leader says no problem you can ride with me. So they get to Oaklahoma and the wagon band leader catches the vantriloquist ****ing his wife so the wagon band leader kicks the vatriliquest out of his wagon with 1/2 a cantine of water in the middle of the desert. So the vantriliquest is walkin through the desert and out of water when he sees this Indian Warior on a big white horse. So the vintriliquest walks up to the Indian a Says to the Indian "Did you know your horse can talk?" the indian replies " Horse no talk" Vantriliquest say sure he does and the vantriliquest throws his voice to make it seem as though the horse were talkin. The Indian's eyes get all big and he says " holyshit horse talk" The vantriliquest say "why he sure does now if I could have drink of your water I would be gratefull so the Indian gives the Vantriliquest his canteen. Then the Vatriliquest Says Thank you for the water and now I will go talk to your sheep. The Indian replies "You no talk to sheep Sheep tell Lie"
Damn I never knew how long that ****ing joke was till now

[GlastronGuy]

jlnorthrup122:
Don't get all offencive on my I am part zunie.
One day back the 1700's this vantriliquest in New York decides that he is gona go West but he don't have a wagon or horse so he proclaims this to a wagon band leader and the leader says no problem you can ride with me. So they get to Oaklahoma and the wagon band leader catches the vantriloquist ****ing his wife so the wagon band leader kicks the vatriliquest out of his wagon with 1/2 a cantine of water in the middle of the desert. So the vantriliquest is walkin through the desert and out of water when he sees this Indian Warior on a big white horse. So the vintriliquest walks up to the Indian a Says to the Indian "Did you know your horse can talk?" the indian replies " Horse no talk" Vantriliquest say sure he does and the vantriliquest throws his voice to make it seem as though the horse were talkin. The Indian's eyes get all big and he says " holyshit horse talk" The vantriliquest say "why he sure does now if I could have drink of your water I would be gratefull so the Indian gives the Vantriliquest his canteen. Then the Vatriliquest Says Thank you for the water and now I will go talk to your sheep. The Indian replies "You no talk to sheep Sheep tell Lie"
Damn I never knew how long that ****ing joke was till now
jlnorthrup122, this might interest you.

[hoolign]

hear about the new German microwave...seats 50
well you wanted offensive