Lets Play....

[Liberator TJ1984]

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady
turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you
do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a
few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?" eek!

[Liberator TJ1984]

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she
could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used
to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big
onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I
can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
about."

[Blown 472]

Two nuns are driving thre transelvanina and a vampire jumps on the hood of the car.
sister mary asks the other what she should do, she tells her to use the windshield washers, as she put holy water in there, no dice
sister mary asks what she should do now, the other tells her to show him your cross, so she rolls the window down and tells him to get the f*ck off the hood.

[Her454]

Blown 472:
so she rolls the window down and tells him to get the f*ck off the hood. OMG, that one made me laugh out loud. Cute.

[AZKC]

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up
with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only
five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[Boatcop]

Father McIntire, new to the Parish, decides to take a walk downtown and see what the neighborhood is like. As he walks through the "Red Light" district a hooker approaches him and asks. "Hey Father, how about some head? Only 10 bucks."
The priest, not knowing what she's talking about says "Ah...No thank you , my child."
In the next block, another hooker says to him, "Hello Padre, you want some head? 10 bucks."
Again the Father politely declines.
This happens a few more times before he makes it back to the Rectory, where he summons the Mother Superior.
When she gets to his office, Father McIntire asks the nun, "Sister, What's Head?"
The nun shrugs her shoulders and replies, "10 Bucks, same as downtown."
------------
I know. I'm gonna rot in hell for that one. devil

[MANIC MECHANIC]

A couple of days after christmas, There was a horseback cop sitting at an intersection next to a little boy on his new bike. the cop leans over and says "nice bike, did santa get you that for christmas?" The little boy;yeah cop;well next yeartell him to put a light on it!and writes the kid a $20 ticket. as he is about to leave the kid says hey mister, did santa bring you that horse for christmas? the cop humoring the kid says yeah. and the kid says "well next year tell him to put a d@#k under the horse instead of on top!

[Raskal]

MANIC MECHANIC:
A couple of days after christmas, There was a horseback cop sitting at an intersection next to a little boy on his new bike. the cop leans over and says "nice bike, did santa get you that for christmas?" The little boy;yeah cop;well next yeartell him to put a light on it!and writes the kid a $20 ticket. as he is about to leave the kid says hey mister, did santa bring you that horse for christmas? the cop humoring the kid says yeah. and the kid says "well next year tell him to put a d@#k under the horse instead of on top! nice.thats just fu*king funny