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Thread: If you've got kids...

  1. #1
    Mandelon
    Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
    > 1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
    > house 4
    > inches deep.
    > 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
    > blades, they can ignite.
    > 3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
    > restaurant.
    > 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
    > enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
    > Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
    > can, to
    > spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
    > 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
    > using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
    > times
    > before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
    > 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
    > by
    > a ceiling fan.
    > 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already
    > too l
    > late.
    > 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
    > 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
    > 36-year
    > old man says they can only do it in the movies.
    > 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
    > 11. PlayDough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
    > 12. Super glue is forever
    > 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
    > walk on water.
    > 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
    > 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
    > show they do.
    > 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
    > 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
    > 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
    > 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
    > like
    > ovens.
    > 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
    > 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
    > dizzy.
    > 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
    > 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
    > 24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
    > One day
    > the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
    > Pigs
    > to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first
    > pig was
    > trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
    > read,
    > "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
    > straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw
    > to
    > build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
    > what
    > do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and
    > said, "I
    > think he said... 'Holy shit! A talking pig!'" The teacher was
    > unable to
    > teach for the next 10 MINUTES.
    > -------------
    > Grandchildren are the reward that you get for not killing your children.

  2. #2
    rivercutie
    That is too cute... Just makes you want kids.

  3. #3
    mmered8299
    Cant wait to try the Brake fluid and Clorox mixture! eek!

  4. #4
    GlastronGuy
    mmered8299:
    Cant wait to try the Brake fluid and Clorox mixture! eek! Just don't breathe the fumes.

  5. #5
    Kim Hanson
    rivercutie:
    That is too cute... Just makes you want kids. You really think so? It is a time consuming thing that test's you every step of the way.I have 3 girl's that think they are the " SHIT."
    I HAVE COME UP WITH ONE THING,"WHY ARE WOMEN SO COMPLICATED"?........( . )( . )....... wink

  6. #6
    SDLifesaver
    So true, and we only have 1 six year old. And she is a girl and thinks she is the shit too. Good humor.

  7. #7
    Mohavekid
    Very funny, I think we've seen a few of these tried by my three. We've got a boy and two girls. They're good kids, but they can sure try your patience.
    Sometimes all you can do is laugh.
    [ February 05, 2003, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Mohavekid ]

  8. #8
    beyondhelpin
    That is to funny. The part with the Batman underware and Superman cape is something I have joked about for a while.

  9. #9
    RIVER WILD
    THE ( jawdrop SUREAL?) PART IS I HAVE LIVED IT I AM A SINGLE FULL TIME DAD OF A GREAT 11 YR OLD I LAUGH KNOW BUT AT THE TIME I WANTED TO THROW HIM UP TO SEE HOW FAR THE FAN COULD THROW HIM

  10. #10
    JustMVG
    I have three girls 8 10 , and today 14 years old, love the heck out of them but the part that gets me is them thinking they are the S**t, where in the world do they get that from. i don't act like i am the S**T nor do i think i am, i know the wife doesn't think shes the S**t, although i do think she is, anyway, they make comments that i know if i had done the same thing at their age i was beaten and told what was right. Why do kids seem to be far more smartass these days....then i have ever been.
    now that list is soooo true, the clorox and brake fluid even i have to try, hey some kids will never grow up. Mike VG

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