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Thread: it's THE SHIT LIST actually and other shit ...

  1. #1
    FMluvswater
    THE SHIT LIST
    Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
    Ghost Shit
    You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
    Teflon Coated Shit
    Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
    Gooey Shit
    This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
    Second Thought Shit
    You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
    Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
    This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
    Bali Belly Shit
    You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
    Right Now Shit
    You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
    King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
    This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
    Wet Cheeks Shit
    This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
    Wish Shit
    You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
    Cement Block or Oh God Shit
    You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
    Snake Shit
    This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
    Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
    Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
    Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
    You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
    Beer Drunk Shit
    This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
    The Frightened Turtle
    The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
    The Bungee Shit
    The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
    The Ring of Fire Shit
    The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
    The Crippler
    The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
    The Big Bobber
    The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
    The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
    The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
    The Incredible Hulk Shit
    The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
    The Jack the Ripper Shit
    The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
    The Party Pooper
    The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
    The Toxic Gas Shit
    The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
    Dirty Bowl Shit
    The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
    The Windy City Shit
    When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
    Oh Shit! Shit
    You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
    The Never Ending Shit
    It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating Kentucky Fried Chicken.
    Ouch That Hurt Shit
    The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hopped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
    [ May 14, 2003, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: FMluvswaterbabe ]

  2. #2
    FMluvswater
    *Many people are at loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt".
    Now you can intellectually handle the situation ...
    Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and
    and O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Knee-Deep and Schitte, Inc.
    In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
    Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
    After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
    Noe Schitt later married Mr. Scherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
    Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens Brothers in a dual ceremony.
    The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse Schitt-Happens.
    Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride Pisa Schitt.
    *So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. wink
    [ May 14, 2003, 07:35 PM: Message edited by: FMluvswaterbabe ]

  3. #3
    voodooCanoe
    The crippler-LOL

  4. #4
    HOSS
    **** it

  5. #5
    FMluvswater
    HOSS:
    **** it Am I on HOSS's bad side? frown

  6. #6
    leibniz
    Oh no. That's just his catch-all, default answer for this time of day...

  7. #7
    No Regrets
    Dont forget "prarie doggin".
    Shit pokin out and ready to exit whilst you hunt for bathroom in a panic.

  8. #8
    rrrr
    FMluvswaterbabe:
    The Party Pooper
    The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
    LMAO, definitely a classic. (peeks out bathroom door) Uhhhh, do you guys have a plunger?

  9. #9
    FMluvswater
    shit ... ... bathroom humor trancends the grouchies

  10. #10
    HammerDown
    FM, thats some funny s**t... And you know I know my s**t

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