LITTLE JOHNNY ON... GETTING OLDER
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from
him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy
isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot
your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be
107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather
eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little Johnny, "he minded his own
****ing business!!"
LITTLE JOHNNY ON... PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds
sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how
many will be left?" She calls on Little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with
the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for
YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice
cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down
the top and sucking the cone. The third is
biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the
top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct
answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but
I like your thinking."
LITTLE JOHNNY ON... MATH
Little Johnny returns home from school and says he
got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6,"
replied Little Johnny.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the ****ing difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE JOHNNY ON...ENGLISH
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher
says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Johnny,
that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're
thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE JOHNNY ON...GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who
could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice.
First she called on Little Suzie, who responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful
dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She
then called on Little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it
turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, she reluctantly called on Little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told
my father that she was pregnant, and he said
"Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful."