I used to be one of these
. It made me laugh ... had to share.
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Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.
Teenager Owner's Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund).
IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she:
(a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing?
(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)?
(c) sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?
If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though.
BREAK-IN PERIOD: When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will initially experience a high level of discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the 'Break-In Period', during which you are becoming accustomed to certain behaviors that will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.
ACTIVATION: To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone or Instant Messenger. No further programming is required.
SHUTDOWN: Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your teenaged daughter. There is no way to do this.
CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Having a teenaged daughter means learning the difference between the words 'clean' and 'neat'. Teenaged daughters are very clean, because they take frequent showers that last more than an hour. They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps which you must purchase for them because "like I'm sure I'm going to use like the same kind of soap my mom and dad use". When they have completely drained the hot-water tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to pick up the towels, you are confusing 'clean' with 'neat'. Teenagers are very busy and do not have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them. These others are called 'parents'.
FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Your teenaged daughter requires regular meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because "it is like so disgusting". She does not want you to accompany her to these restaurants, because some people might see you and "like I'm sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents". Either order take-out food or just give her the money, preferably both. If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery boy might see you and "ohmigod he is so hot". Yes, your daughter's idea of an attractive man is the pizza boy.
CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly sensible clothing which will look adorable on your daughter. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections which are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged daughter wants to dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the schoolhouse door, she will be wearing something entirely different.
OTHER MAINTENANCE: Teenaged daughters require one of two levels of maintenance: 'High' and 'Ultra High'. Your daughter is 'Ultra High'. This means that whatever you do won't be enough and whatever you try won't work.
WARRANTY: This product is not without defect because she has your genes, for heaven's sake. If you think this is not fair, talk to your parents, who think it is hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it takes for her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already happened and as far as you are concerned never really will. If you are dissatisfied with your teenaged daughter, well, what did you expect? In any event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back under any circumstances, except that deep down she's actually still there - you just have to look for her.
Ain't that the god awful truth. Mine is 17 years old and freaking me out. She knows everything but where to plug the ****ing vacuum into the wall. The folks say to relax and I was way worse than that, but I say it's "different". They say "how so". I hope she returns to "normal" some day.
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/...250029-med.JPG
Excellent post.
Here's mine a few weeks back while waiting out a windstorm at Parker prep'd and ready to go wakeboarding.
My mom taught her to knit before mom passed away.
Talking to her is like when you grab the dooknob and it comes off in your hand, the door is closed, and their's no getting through.
Great Child although the house is in PMS Crisis mode because she got ONLY a B+ on her Physic exam.
The Horror!!!
Originally posted by Casanova
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/...250029-med.JPG
Excellent post.
Here's mine a few weeks back waiting out a windstorm at Parker prep's and ready to go wakeboarding.
My mom taught her to knit before mom passed away.
Talking to her is like when you grab the dooknob and it comes of in you hand,, I ain't getting through,, and I'm in the way.
Great Child although the house is in PMS Crisis mode because she got ONLY a B+ on her Physis exam.
The Horror!!! That's your 1st post.
Great pic.
My daughter is on her own at 21. Can't believe it, pays her own bills and everything.
Sometimes I wander how.
TPC, is that you ?
Originally posted by NorCal Gameshow
TPC, is that you ?
Yea,, the "Trailer Park" was too many digits and wouldn't fit in the new format.
- Ross
I will update the max username size.
My Teenage Daughter goes through up and downs of doing What Is Expected but we still love here
I have two daughters and they are so different. I was a softball coach and watched the changes on all the girls. They all were as you described. Good Luck to all of you it does get better with age.
I'm so darn glad I had TWO BOYS!!!
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