How did you get through it?

[126driver]

I've seen some people post some real personal stuff on here, so here goes:
I've been married for thirteen years, have two boys, 5 & 12, and my wife wants a divorce. As a matter of fact she dropped the bomb on me two days before our 13th anniversary and I was moved out the day after. Doesn't want counseling, won't give me another chance, wouldn't even give me a hug yesterday when I had to get some paperwork to her. She says she has no emotions at all for me. I've written her and told her how I feel but she says it's too late. She told me in September that she wanted to go to counseling and was thinking of divorce but I blew it off; I've had friends go to counseling and it has never worked IMO. Things got better for a while I thought, and what I really think is that she likes this guy that she met over New Years. She denies it and he denies it, but I got the vibe, you know? She's taken the kids to see a few of his shitty purestock dirt car races, wants to play on his softball team and has done some other stuff with him and a few others. I thought we were friends, the guy sat on my couch and drank beer with me, but there you go. I've been out of the house for a week now and all I want to do is hide. And I was telling her when we were doing some last-minute Christmas shopping for the kids on Dec. 24 that things were going to be great in 2004. The company that I worked at for 21 years went out of business in August, I was all lined up to pull the trigger on my own business, and now this. Oh yeah. I turn 40 in April. Have I brought you all down yet? Sorry, but it feels a little better to at least type this.
How did you get through it if you were the one that got kicked to the curb?

[78Eliminator]

I say, this is a blessing in disguise. Work on your business. Keep busy. Forget about fixing the relationship and just be kind to your kids. Worry about yourslef and the kids and let her go. There are better ones, and more loyal ones out there.

[Scream]

How did you get through it if you were the one that got kicked to the curb?
FRIENDS!
You've made plenty in you're life time. It's time to find out which ones are worth thier salt. Nothing is going to stop the hurt and ease the pain better than talking things over with a good listener.
My best friend of almost 30 years had a similar situation. Wife decides one day that he's not her cup of tea. He worshiped after a fashion, did all that she ever wanted, and not any of it seemed to matter. After she admitted to him she had an affair, he still loved her emphatically. We talked almost every day. If he didn't call me, I called him. I went over his house and got hammered and spent the night on the couch, just like the good ol days.
You're gonna feel like shit for a while and try to place blame on yourself, but remember that you're not the one who needs a change of scenerey here. Give yourself a pat on the back for being dedicated and pull the friend card now.
Just my opinion.

[Keithb87]

I did a lot of posting with my most recent breakup.. (and a lot of drinking) I also found other things to do to keep me occupied and off of the mind altering drugs.
Take on a project, or come over and work on mine.
I'm sure you've probally heard theat it gets better with time. It's real hard to believe that right now.
But it really does.
It took me and my ex-wife almost 5 years to be able to talk to each other civilly. But we realized that for the kids, 9 and13, we needed to act like adults.
As for the dude that is " your friend", cut you losses. I had a so called "friend" trying to help / counsel me and my ex-wife. But all he did was take all the stuff I told him and used it to get my wife into bed.
Just do for you and your kids for now. A better one will eventually come along.
Don't hesitate to pm if you need to.

[HighRoller]

Hire a P.I. if you can to find out if she "betrayed" you. If she did, flame her out! Make sure her family knows what she did and that her actions destroyed your family. Then just walk away. Let her know that you'll do whatever it takes to get her out of your life as quickly as possible and that she is only to contact your attorney unless it is about the children. The key to getting over it is to not have contact with her. And remember, this guy thinks he's the stud because he took her from you but he's really a dumbass. If she left you for him, what do you think she'll do to him for another guy?

[HTM4ME]

Just do what i did forget about her and all females for a while and go boating and have fun.
but always remember anything that can bleed
for a week every month and not die cannot be
TRUSTED

[MagicMtnDan]

I could write a book but don't have time so:
* I feel for you dude. It hurts and you'll need time to get over it.
* Focus on yourself - if you're not happy with yourself, you won't be happy with anyone else. Find ways to make yourself happy - that's gotta be your first priority. You don't need someone else to define who you are.
* Forget about her. Try.
* Your intuition is right - she's got herself another boyfriend. Unless a man does some very bad things women only slam the door on their men when they have another guy on the line. She would listen to you and treat you like a her husband if she wasn't busy with someone else.
* Forget about her. Try.
* Get busy doing things that are good for you - be with your family, friends, make things better at work, hobbies (boating!), whatever it is you like to do. Do the things you couldn't do because she wasn't into them. And enjoy doing them.
* Never forget that it takes two people to make a relationship work and only one person to eff it up! Don't blame yourself!
* Forget about her.
* Focus on yourself.
* Life is too short to be with someone who treats you like she did.
* When you're feeling better about yourself you'll find someone who will LOVE who you are. Look forward to it. Plan on it.
* Get busy
Good luck!
(Been there before and know what the recovery is like)

[SummerBreeze]

126driver
Sorry to hear about your pain.
Your wife left a long time ago. I know it hurts like hell but through the pain you will be better.
Stay busy, start working out, stay out of the bars, don't date. Find yourself first and you will find happness.
You might want to read a book called"The Five Love Languages" Chapman is the auther. You need unerstanding on what went wrong.
Just my 2cents and I hope it helps

[MagicMtnDan]

Originally posted by SummerBreeze
126driver
Sorry to hear about your pain.
Your wife left a long time ago. I know it hurts like hell but through the pain you will be better.
Stay busy, start working out, stay out of the bars, don't date. Find yourself first and you will find happness.
You might want to read a book called"The Five Love Languages" Chapman is the auther. You need unerstanding on what went wrong.
Just my 2cents and I hope it helps
If you're into reading books here's a great one - once you start reading it you won't put it down til you're done:
The Road Less Traveled (http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0743...41#reader-link)

[Scream]

Oh Yea,
Get ahold of a Sam Kinneson video he did a year or two before he met his maker. Let this guy rip his tonsils out for ya so you'll be able to talk the next day.