Reply With QuoteGood one FM! wink
Rated NC-17/R
A farmer sat his three teenaged
sons down and told them they
needed to learn the value of
livestock and the value of money.
He gave each of them a duck and
told them to go sell their ducks for
as much money as possible.
Whoever made the most money
could keep the money and wouldn't
have to do chores for a week.
The three boys headed to town each
determined to make the most money.
The eldest boy went to the local petshop
and really gave a hard sell to make it
sound like the duck was a spectacular
pet so the shop owner caved, grudgingly
gave the boy ten dollars for the duck and
sent him on his way.
Meantime the middle
boy went to the backdoor of the most
expensive restaurant in town and offered
up the duck to the chef. After a brief heated
discussion the chef relented and bought the
duck for fifteen dollars and shooed the boy
away.
Meantime the youngest boy was still
looking for someone to buy his duck. He
wasn't having any sort of luck at all. With his
head hanging in defeat he began his long trek
back to the farm still clutching his duck. It was
a particularly hot day and about half way home
he was feeling mighty thirsty so he stopped off
at another farm to ask for a drink. An attractive
woman in her late 30's answered the door. He
politely asked for a drink of water. She saw
how hot and tired he was and invited him in
for lemonade instead. She asked about the
duck and he explained the situation. She
confided to him that she was recently widowed
and very lonely. She explained all she could
spare for the duck was $5 but if he was
interested she'd have sex with him as well.
The boy was pleasantly surprised by this offer
and they went at it. Afterward the woman
looked at him and made him another offer.
He could keep the $5 and she'd give him the
duck back so he could get a better price on
it if he was willing to have sex with her again.
He happily agreed and they went at it again.
He left the farmhouse grinning with $5 dollars
in his pocket and he still had the duck. A big
old truck came barrelling down the dirt road
and the noise panicked the duck. It got away
from him and wound up being hit and killed.
The driver stopped to see what he had hit and
saw it was just a duck. He shrugged and was
about to climb back into his vehicle without
speaking to the young man. The young man
was pissed because now he had no chance
in hell of selling his duck. He yelled to the driver,
"Hey! You killed my duck! Do you have any clue
at all how much that duck means to me? How
could you just kill my duck and walk away like
it's nothing?"
The driver was startled by the outburst and
felt a little guilty,
"Gee sonny I'm real sorry 'bout yer duck. I
don't know what else to say. Kin ya git
yerself another one or sumthin' mebbe? How
much it cost nowadays for a brand new duck?
Will $10 do it?"
The boy wiped at the sweat running down
his face and sniffled loudly,
"It's just not the same. That duck was really
special to me!"
The driver just wanted to ease his own guilt
so he said,
"I unnerstan that sonny and aggin I'm real
durn sorry bout yer duck and all. How's about
I give ya $20? Mebbe ya could buy two ducks
then and they could have baby ducks and
ya'd feel better? Whaddaya say sonny? Okay?"
The young man nodded grudgingly and
accepted the $20. As he stooped to pick
up the carcass of the dead duck he watched
the driver speed away and muttered to himself,
"What a sucker!".
He then continued home
to see how his brothers had fared. His dad
and brother's immediately noticed the dead
duck he was carrying and his brothers
started to snicker. Their dad hushed them
and turned to the eldest,
"So son what did you get for your duck?"
The eldest proudly slapped a $10 bill on the
table. The father smiled and proudly clapped
him on the shoulder.He turned to his middle son,
"And you? What did you get for your duck?"
The boy fairly beamed as he slapped his $15
on the table and began to gloat about being
the winner. The youngest cleared his throat,
"Not so fast bro. I win. Not you."
They all looked at him and then looked pointedly
at the dead duck. The father gave him a stern look,
"I don't tolerate cheats and lies boy you best
shut your trap before it gets you in trouble!"
The young man was feeling so smug he taunted,
"Go ahead Pop ask me what I got for my duck!"
His father just glared at him. The young man
grinned and told them the story of all that had
transpired that day. In closing he said,
"So you see I really did win. I got a **** for a
duck, a duck for a **** and a grand total of
25 bucks for this ****ed-up duck!" He winked
and began to walk away. His dad called out to him,
"Where do you think you're going now, son?"
He grinned,
"Since I don't got chores to do I'm going back for
more lemonade!"
***
It's my favorite story joke. I had to share.
[ May 06, 2003, 07:40 PM: Message edited by: FMluvswaterbabe ]
Good one FM! wink
I'm glad you enjoyed it Catmando.
In keeping with the thread topic here are two more 'duck' jokes ...
A Boy And Duck Tape
One day a little boy is walking down the street with a roll of duck tape in his hand. He passes an old man and the old man askes the boy what is the duck tape for. The boy replies im going to catch myself some ducks. The old man laughs and tells the boy he cant catch ducks with that. The little boy ignores the old man and a few hours he returns with two ducks.
The next day the old man sees the boy dragging a roll of chicken wire and the old man askes the boy what he is doing and the boy reples I'm going to catch myself some chickens. The old man laughs and explains to the boy that he cant catch chickens with chicken wire but the boy just walks on and ignores the old man. A few hours later the old man is amazed to see the young boy returning home with two chickens.
The next day the old man sees the boy walking down the street with two pussy willows and the old man jumps up and says hey hey son wait up wait for me.
1 Adult and 1 Duck
A man has a duck that he takes everywhere with him. One day he wants to go
to a movie and of course the duck goes with him. "One adult and one duck,"
he says. "I'm sorry sir, we don't allow animals in this picture." So he
bought one ticket for himself then he went to the back of the theatre and
put the duck in his pants. So he is sitting down and watching the movie
and the duck, being the smart guy that he is, unzips the guys pants and
sticks its head out. There are two girls sitting next to him and the one
closest to him looks over and gasps, "Look that man's dick is hanging out."
She says to her friend. "Whatever, like you've never seen one before," she
said. "I know but this one is eating my popcorn."
Three
Huh? What? Oh; sorry! Nevermind!
Okay last duck joke (that I could find anyway) ...
A man walks into a bar one night with three ducks under his arm. The bartender who had already had a bad day decided not to even ask why he has these three ducks. So the guy sets the three ducks down on the bar and orders a beer. After a few minutes he has to go to the restroom. The bartender walks over to the first duck and says
"Hi Mr. Duck what is your name?"
The duck replies "My name is Huey."
The bartender says "Hi Huey how are you today?" Huey says "I am great! I have been in and out of puddles all day and I feel wonderful!".
The bartender says "Thats great Huey."
Then the bartender goes up to the second duck, "What is your name Mr. duck?".
"My name's Dewey." said the duck.
"Well how are you today Dewey?" asked the bartender.
"I'm great!" replied Dewey, "I have been in and out of puddles all day, and if I had the chance I would do it again!".
"Great."said the bartender.
The bartender then goes up to the third duck and says
"Well, you must be Louey."
To that the duck replies "No. I am Puddles and don't even ask me how the hell my day has been!"
*************************************************
PS Ha ha ha!
I found another one ... sort of.
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"
"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."
"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."
First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."
The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"
"Done" says the genie and disappears.
A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and ducks come pouring in. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"
aflack?
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