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Thread: Engineer test and exposee ...

  1. #1
    People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. Everything you need to know is here for the reading. The following insights into their customs and mannerisms have been learned by observing them (much the way Jane Woodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.).
    Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.
    You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
    A. Straighten it.
    B. Ignore it.
    C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
    The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing".
    Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
    "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
    •Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
    •Important social contacts
    •A feeling of connectedness with other humans
    In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
    •Get it over with as soon as possible.
    •Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
    •Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
    To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
    No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
    Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
    Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe.
    Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
    Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
    Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
    Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"
    Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
    •Space Shuttle Challenger
    •Hubble space telescope
    •Apollo 13
    •Ford Pinto
    Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
    •How smart they are.
    •How many cool devices they own.
    The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal, a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
    Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.)
    Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."
    At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.

  2. #2
    Jungle Boy
    I know engineers that fit that to a "T".

  3. #3
    Back Forty
    Here here..!

  4. #4
    Originally posted by Jungle Boy
    I know engineers that fit that to a "T".
    Mike wells...

  5. #5
    hell ........... and i thought all they did was drive train's!
    who knew?

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