Bored!!!!!!!!!

[Kim Hanson]

Hallmark Cards You'll Never See
1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat...
when I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat. Sorry.
3. You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mends...
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me.
6. Your computer is dead,
it was once so great...
Don't you regret installing
Windows '98?
7. You totalled your car,
and can't remember why...
could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?

[Kim Hanson]

1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
2. I hate everybody, and you're next!
3. And your point is....
4. Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later.
5. **Warning** I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
6. You KNOW you want me.
7. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
8. Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
9. I'm multitalented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
10. Do NOT start with me! You will NOT win!
11. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!
12. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
13. I'm not a bitch, I'm THE BITCH; and it's MS. BITCH to you!
14. All stressed out and no one to choke.
15. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
16. Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.
.............( . )( . )....... wink

[Kim Hanson]

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk!
Our love will never become cold and hollow,
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow!
This feels so good, it feels so right,
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night!
You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class,
especially when I'm spanking your big-round-fat ass!
Before I met you, my heart was so famished,
But now I'm fulfilled...SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!
Through all the things that come and pass,
Our love has grown...but so has your ass!
You're a honey...and you're a cutie,
I just wished you had J-Lo's 'booty'!
I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny,
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
.........( . )( . )........ wink

[Kim Hanson]

Applicatiom for a piece of ASS!
Name:______________________
City:______________________
State:_____________________
Age:__________ Phone:______________
SSN:_______________
Hair Color:__________
Real Hair Color:____________
Eye Color:___________
Dentures: __________
Weight: _________
Height:___________
Waist Size: __________
Breast or Bra Size: __________
Marital Status:
Married___________
Single______________
Divorced:_________ Other__________
Are Your Breasts Real? ____________
Do You Like Them:
Sucked_________ Chewed__________ Kissed____________
Caressed__________ Squeezed________ Licked_________
Other_____
All of the Above____________
Can You Stay Out Late? _____________ How Late?_____________
All Night? _________ Several Days? ___________
Do You Like To Have Sex And Be Screwed All Night? ____________
How Often? __________
Do You Like Oral Sex? _____________
Pussy Size:
Small ________ Medium __________
Large ____________ Extra Large __________
While Screwing Do You:
Faint______ Fart______ Cry______ Moan______
Hum______ Whistle______ Scream_______ Sing_______
Scratch___________ Just Lay There_________
All of the Above_____________________
List the Top 3 Positions You Like the Best:
1)______________
2)______________
3)______________
When You Cum Do You:
Wiggle______ Wobble__________
Twist_______ Jerk_________ Scream________
Cry________ Just Start Humping Like Hell___________
What Kind of Screw Do You Like?
Fast_________ Super Fast__________ Slow__________
All Night____________ All Speeds___________
How Many Times? _________________
How Long Do You Like To Screw At
One Interval? ___________________________
If You Have Screwed Before, Give Two(2) References
(Not Immediate Family)
Name:______________ Address:______________
Phone:__________
Name:______________ Address:______________
Phone:__________
Would your service be Free of Charge?_______
If Application Is Favorable, And If Not Free,
What Are Your Charges For:
One Night_________ One Hour____________
Muff Burger Special or Blow Job?___________
What Credit Cards Will You Accept?
Master Card_____ VISA______ Am. Express_______
Sears________ JC Penney's___________
All of the Above________ Others_________
Comments __________________________
........( . )( . )......... wink

[Kim Hanson]

The grossest thing for me to see
is my bathroom floor all full of pee.
Why can't they make it in the bowl?
Don't they see-there is a hole?
Out in the woods, they think it's cute
to see how far a guy can "shoot."
But in the house, it's plain to see ...
There is a bowl in which you pee!
(It's usually white & kinda round
you hit the water, not the ground.)
Why can't they make it in the bowl?
Is it a problem with control?
If not control, then tell me why ....
They make my bathroom such a sty?
Come on guys, get a clue!
You know what you have to do.
Be a human-not a pig
& don't forget to lift the lid.
When you're done, make it flush
don't always be in such a rush.
Then take the lid & push it down
(don't make us women feel like clowns)
Falling in, it is not fun-
getting water on your buns
Zip up your pants, & you're all done
now wasn't that a lot of fun?
Keep this little poem in mind~
Your woman will find you very kind.
.........( . )( . )......... wink

[Kim Hanson]

Early days look rough........( . )( . )...... wink [img]http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/72Trimming.gif[/img]

[Kim Hanson]

[img]http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/72stop.jpg[/img] wink .........( . )( . ).....

[Kim Hanson]

[img]http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/72ask.jpg[/img] .......( . )( . )....... wink

[Kim Hanson]

Odd Thoughts
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
.........( . )( . )........ wink

[Kim Hanson]

[img]http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/72373.jpg[/img] .......( . )( . )...... wink eek!